We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
