And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
