if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
