So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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