dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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