I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
