I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
