She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
