A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
