You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
