Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
