My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
