I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
