Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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