you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
