McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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