I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Randomize
