I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
