Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
