the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
