There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
