My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
