We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
