are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
