Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
