i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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