Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
