no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
