I must be too annoying 4 u.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
