apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
