so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
