am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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