just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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