So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
organizing the empties. That sober.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize