He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my shit smells like andre
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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