but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
