i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
