Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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