I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Do vagina's smell?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
