new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can Purell be used as lube?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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