He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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