I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
