the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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