haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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