The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
