you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
