I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize