Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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