cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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