Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
