I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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