Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize