just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
