i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
