it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize