Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You made out with two different species that night
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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