Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
