this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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