you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
