if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
