i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
