I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
