So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
