You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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