4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
