Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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