1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
