Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
