There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
