my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
