I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
