I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you had me at cake vodka
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
