My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
