Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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