Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
