College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
