i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
