hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
