weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
