Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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