this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
