I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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