Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
