You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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